it's over.

ric wins. congrats.

If I decide to run a blog again next year, I will need some help cause clearly I cannot keep it up by myself. Taking applications now.

also, Carl, you still owe me money for softball and ric money for football and conig money for baseball.

come on man.

where is the carl? part 2

Still owing a lot of money Carl has seemingly fell off the face of the planet.

8 moves in football? not setting his basketball lineup? missing drafts? what the fuck dude?

SHOW YOURSELF!

mcnabb leads nips to a heartbreaking loss; guess that ass.

McNabb's terrible performance has really put Nips in an unfortunate position of looking up at the playoffs. Sucks down here doesn't it Chris? In other news, fishsticks put up the second most points in the league and still lost...gotta love that. When it rains it pours I guess, right? right?

Finally. I just felt like doing this - Guess the ass pictured below: (more or less to see if anyone still visits this site)

back from the dead (no...not team fishsticks...the blog, assholes)

Judging from the comments section; it is clear that you guys missed the shit out of this place. (sarcasm). What happened to the blog? Well, work blows, the Yankees won the world series and I am lazy. Add all of that up and you have zero updates in multiple weeks.

What has happened since we last spoke? Well the middle of the pack race has tightened up and about the only thing certain is that q is still gay. Now that the baseball season is over (finally) and my fantasy football team is all but mathematically eliminated; I am looking to finish strong here at bunch'a'tools.blogspot.com. To do this, I won't be looking to a certain New York football team for inspiration.

So fire up the insults...lets get each other angry.

new feature: doodie chat

I decided that at the beginning-middle of each week I am going to ask for a quick statement from everyone about their upcoming opponent in an effort to jump start the hatred and smack talk:

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RIC v. RALPH

Ralph - No comment...this team needs to focus on execution and just making plays. Can't worry about the numbers on the backs of the jerseys on the other side of the ball.

Ric - It doesn't even matter [who I am playing] I got the best team in the league. I'm going to beat said team down. Ralph, Dick, Bobby, Tom...it doesn't matter.

(how fucking noble of you Ralph. Way to step up and be a man. Keep your pansy shit for your other football leagues. Take your panties off for this one, choir boy.)

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Q v. CHRIS

Q - Me: any messages for your opponent this week? Q: Yeah. Thanks for pushing me into second place.

Chris - He is running into a hot team. Both on the field and off. He is screwed.

(That is what I'm fucking talking about)

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CONIG v. G

Conig - suck a dick, no homo.

G - I will be sending that Mexican back across the border in a body bag. Fack Steve...Fack his dumb team...fack his dumb face...fack MEXICO.

(who didn't see that coming.)

Update: Seemingly taking offense to my little add on there; G issued a further statement directed at yours truly: You know what you won't see coming...my fucking roundhouse across your stupid face when I walk in the door tonight you son of a bitch.

(At least he stopped spelling fuck - "fack" - right? right?)

matchup of the weak:

As. Simple. As. It. Gets. The past two match up of the weaks have been amazing...Can these two unworthy competitors keep it going?

The current last place team v. the perennial last place team.

(Sad as it is, I run this blog and yet I've had to pick myself in two, count 'em TWO, match ups of the weak.)

On the season fishsticks has the second lowest point total (994) and has broken Carl's dream weight (200) only twice on the season. Patience finally gave way to rash decision making as fishsticks has increased the roster moves exponentially in the past 3 weeks. Oddly enough, adding/dropping has done nothing to improve the performance.

On the other hand we have MANSWEATERS. After last week, MS broke the 1000 point threshold by doing the bare minimum (getting 1000 on the dot). He stands 2-3 on the season with wins over Ralph and G. He is in 6th Place and coming off a loss to Numero Uno: The Breaston Plants. Much like the sticks, MS has only eclipsed 200 twice, (in life - not since the day he was born) on the season and is looking to take advantage of what most deem to be an easy match up.

I was able to interview both managers prior to deadline and this is what they had to say:

fishsticks: "If I don't beat Carl, it is over. My fantasy mediocrity has turned to fantasy crapiness and it is time to shit or get off the pot. The one thing I do know is that win, lose or draw Carl is still a fag. I mean just look at his name 'MANSWEATERS.' The dude sweats men. He is admitting it to everyone and for that alone I should get the W. Regardless, I got McNabb back and I am working on some big things. Don't be surprised if the roster you see today isn't the same one that runs out there on Sunday but even if it is...that dick rider is going down."

MANSWEATERS: "No comments at this time. My secretary will get back to you."

One can only hope that secretary is a female, because if it is a male, he may never come up from beneath Carl's desk long enough to answer.

breaking: chris millen's win under review

Nips that cut glass very well may have gotten his first fantasy victory this weekend; then again, he may not have.

In a Battle of the Weak that again - DID. NOT. FAIL. Brett Farve and Bernard Berrian did everything they could to bring fishsticks his second win. When all was said and done Stattracker showed a 205-205 outcome; that is right, a tie. Thanks to Mason Crosby's gay field goal, the teams basically kissed their respective sisters. Alas, the morning came with a much different result - a 205-204 victory for Nips. Enraged by this, I have done research and the result of that research has been forwarded to Yahoo! for an explanation and possible score change.

Long story short, the match up scoring shows that Pitt's D gave up 28 points, which would be -1 in our league; had 3 sacks, which would be +3 in our league and a fumble recovery, which would be plus +2 for a grand total of FOUR points. But for anyone who watched the game, San Diego scored a TD on a fumbled punt return. Being in that those 6 points, in my opinion, shouldn't count towards Defensive points allowed, that would mean that Pitt's D actually gave up 22 points, which would be 0 in our league, which means Pitt's D had 5 points on the week and that Nips and sticks tied. The above summation has been forwarded to Yahoo! in a much more elegant fashion and an answer is expected in the next 24 hours. Big things poppin boys, stay tuned.

UPDATE: Bullshit win upheld. Whatever.