mcnabb leads nips to a heartbreaking loss; guess that ass.

McNabb's terrible performance has really put Nips in an unfortunate position of looking up at the playoffs. Sucks down here doesn't it Chris? In other news, fishsticks put up the second most points in the league and still lost...gotta love that. When it rains it pours I guess, right? right?

Finally. I just felt like doing this - Guess the ass pictured below: (more or less to see if anyone still visits this site)

new feature: doodie chat

I decided that at the beginning-middle of each week I am going to ask for a quick statement from everyone about their upcoming opponent in an effort to jump start the hatred and smack talk:

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RIC v. RALPH

Ralph - No comment...this team needs to focus on execution and just making plays. Can't worry about the numbers on the backs of the jerseys on the other side of the ball.

Ric - It doesn't even matter [who I am playing] I got the best team in the league. I'm going to beat said team down. Ralph, Dick, Bobby, Tom...it doesn't matter.

(how fucking noble of you Ralph. Way to step up and be a man. Keep your pansy shit for your other football leagues. Take your panties off for this one, choir boy.)

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Q v. CHRIS

Q - Me: any messages for your opponent this week? Q: Yeah. Thanks for pushing me into second place.

Chris - He is running into a hot team. Both on the field and off. He is screwed.

(That is what I'm fucking talking about)

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CONIG v. G

Conig - suck a dick, no homo.

G - I will be sending that Mexican back across the border in a body bag. Fack Steve...Fack his dumb team...fack his dumb face...fack MEXICO.

(who didn't see that coming.)

Update: Seemingly taking offense to my little add on there; G issued a further statement directed at yours truly: You know what you won't see coming...my fucking roundhouse across your stupid face when I walk in the door tonight you son of a bitch.

(At least he stopped spelling fuck - "fack" - right? right?)

breaking: chris millen's win under review

Nips that cut glass very well may have gotten his first fantasy victory this weekend; then again, he may not have.

In a Battle of the Weak that again - DID. NOT. FAIL. Brett Farve and Bernard Berrian did everything they could to bring fishsticks his second win. When all was said and done Stattracker showed a 205-205 outcome; that is right, a tie. Thanks to Mason Crosby's gay field goal, the teams basically kissed their respective sisters. Alas, the morning came with a much different result - a 205-204 victory for Nips. Enraged by this, I have done research and the result of that research has been forwarded to Yahoo! for an explanation and possible score change.

Long story short, the match up scoring shows that Pitt's D gave up 28 points, which would be -1 in our league; had 3 sacks, which would be +3 in our league and a fumble recovery, which would be plus +2 for a grand total of FOUR points. But for anyone who watched the game, San Diego scored a TD on a fumbled punt return. Being in that those 6 points, in my opinion, shouldn't count towards Defensive points allowed, that would mean that Pitt's D actually gave up 22 points, which would be 0 in our league, which means Pitt's D had 5 points on the week and that Nips and sticks tied. The above summation has been forwarded to Yahoo! in a much more elegant fashion and an answer is expected in the next 24 hours. Big things poppin boys, stay tuned.

UPDATE: Bullshit win upheld. Whatever.

matchup of the weak: fishsticks v. nips that cut glass

The 1-2 fishsticks enter their bye-week nightmare by facing the Chris Millen run Nips that Cut Glass (0-3).

The Nips that Cut Glass owner, ignoring his past performances, is steadfast in his belief that his time is coming: "I hate to say it but I think I'm going to get my first win this week."

This confidence is not unlike the rookie manager who has proclaimed greatness every step of his winless season. However, as the adjusted standings show, he has run into some bad luck so maybe his confidence is warranted? "I don't know why that douche is so confident but when it comes to performing on Sunday/Monday, his team has stunk worse than his horribly smelling shits," stated a defiant fishsticks manager.

Current first place manager, Eric Gawkoski had this to say: "If Chris loses, he's done. But this is a huge week for fishsticks too...if you go 1-3 that hurts. It's going to be interesting to see but I think Chris has an edge. The key player of the week is going to be Shaun Hill...that's a lot of insight."

Surprising house guest Anthony V., known as a sage by many, says "I am going with fishsticks...because I know Matt better."

So what will it be, will fishsticks fall further down the standings and drop to a desperation inducing 1-3 or can he recapture his Week 2 magic and right the ship? Fishsticks manager left us with these words, "He may have a good smile and a huge cock, but none of that will matter when I'm fucking his face like Reggie Bush does Kim Kardashian on any given night....and the Jets on Sunday."

could it be...do we have the a budding anti-dynasty?

Week 1: 192-173 Loss to to Ralph

Week 2: 254-204 Loss to G

Week 3: well on his way to a loss to Ric and securing the title of optimal shithead

The person I am describing is none other than Chris Taddoni aka nips that cut glass. After two moves and one name change, it appears that all Chris "Millen" has done is take baby steps to the path of non-perfection.

Chris' 0-3 start is only highlighted by the genius idea of starting Wes Welker (despite the fact that he hasn't played in one week or practiced in two) and benching a combined 30 points in Knoshown Moreno and LeSean McCoy (two players with names tailor made for Conig's squad).

So here's to you optimal shithead...Carl thanks you for keeping his spot at the bottom of the standings warm.

draft day reactions

(This post is sponsored by thick-thigh'd blondes under center. HIYOO)

Matthew Bruzzese//fishsticks - My receiving core is weak as shit. I took a lot of chances late in the draft and I think that I started strong and drafted terribly in the middle-late rounds. Here's to hoping that no one on my team gets hurt.

Steven Conigliaro//iamchamp - I think it went well from the 6th position. I think I should have targeted a better second quarter back but other than that it is alright. I think Carl actually didn't have that bad of a draft other than the fact that he let Matt Forte fall to fishsticks.

Eric Gawkoski//Q's NARB - I feel like I have a lot of big time players. Definitely took a couple of gambles but I'm confident I will be in the Superbowl again. Look at it this way...I could have passed on Matt Forte and taken Larry Fitzgerald. That would have been awful.

Michael Guglielmo//Buff Bagwell's Haircut - Awesome! Really feel that I drafted a deep team...at all positions...even my bench is looking good...some people I wanted didn't drop to me...but it's all good...very satisfied with my overall draft

Carl Lafranco//MANSWEATERS - I feel that if I take my blackberry out one more time in the South Bronx, I'm going to get jumped. Not only that, everywhere I go I look like a god damn detective under cover. Some dude asked me if I was in the 46 which is the hub down here. [Me: None of that answer's the question about your draft.] What about it? Got some questions at QB and Leon and Bradshaw do work I'm good. [I think that he meant to say "IF Leon.... but there is no predicting Carl so I didn't bother editing it.]

Steven Querolo//G's Mud Butt - I don't know. I suck.

Ralph Ross//T.O. for president - Honestly, I wasn't happy about it. I was sooo fucking busy at work. I got fucked because some kid didn't show up to work so I had to take his work too. I just didn't have a good pulse on the draft. Didn't even see half of the names come off the board. I have 4 billion running backs...some of which are a crap shoot! Some are solid though.

Chris Taddoni//The Newbie - I feel very strong... especially with my starting squad.... I'm a little worried that I drafted to many unproven rookies on potential alone... I hope it does not screw me....because if it turns out that they don't do anything, my team will struggle.